- Date Of Birth: November 5, 1932
- Date Of Death: April 8, 2020
- State: Connecticut
Nancy R. Krupp
Eulogy
April 14, 2020
Nancy was a special person. To me and Vicki, to Larry, Susan, Eric, Karen and Scott, who are gathered here, and to Roland for many years, she was Aunt Nancy.
Nancy was 87 when she died.
Nancy was born in Wallingford, CT in the midst of the Great Depression to Harry and Edith Krupp, then 32 and 24 years old. Four years later, Nancy’s only sibling, our father, Alan, was born. From all accounts, Nancy was a really happy kid. Nancy had mental health challenges and was not able to thrive in school. So, Edie and Harry brought tutors into the house to teach Nancy. They also wanted Nancy to get used to other kids, so they spent a lot of time at the beach, specifically, Chalker Beach in Old Saybrook, CT, where the cottage still in the extended family seems to trace its acquisition back to Nancy and her particular needs.
At some point, we think after dad was high school age, Edie and Harry felt they could no longer care for Nancy adequately at home. Nancy became a ward of the State of Connecticut and lived at what was then called the Mansfield Training School and Hospital.
Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote that “When a mentally disabled child is born, the religious question we often ask is “Why does God let this happen?” The better question to pose is to ask, ‘What kind of community should we be so that mental disability isn’t a barrier to the enjoyment of one’s full humanity?’” Fortunately, the prevailing thought about how to care for those with mental disabilities shifted away from institutionalization. In the late 1970s or early ‘80s, Nancy moved out of Mansfield and moved to Manchester to live in various group homes run by MARC, Inc. At various times, Nancy lived near the Parkade, across from Shady Glen, and most recently on Quaker Road.
The community at MARC was like a family to Nancy until she died last Wednesday from complications from the novel corona virus. In her last years, Nancy was frail, suffered from a variety of ailments, and walked quite stooped over, but she was tough; she was gentle and soft-spoken most of the time, she was firm and knew how to get what she needed, and some at MARC, who cared for Nancy for many years, called her “sophisticated,” that is to stay, sylish.
Nancy never went out without her handbag, or her wristwatch. She had quite a collection of wristwatches. Nancy in her younger years at MARC would go to the senior center to do “work” and later just to spend time there. She would sometimes get her haircut – at the parlor, she would say—and would always wear jewelry, usually a large Jewish star necklace, and bracelets. Nancy loved having her nails polished.
Nancy was smart and had a better memory than most of us. Nancy could read and write. She wrote in a shaky hand, often with hyphens between the words. At certain times in her life Nancy would write us and others, like Terry Gellin and some of her mother’s friends, multiple letters per week. She always sent us birthday cards. Nancy signed all of her cards and letters: “Love, Nancy,” I remember a Passover Seder that my dad was running. I probably was about bar mitzvah age, and Dad called on Nancy to read a long Hebrew passage. She hadn’t been tipped off beforehand as I probably would have had to be, but she read the Hebrew flawlessly. I was amazed.
Nancy could remember names and dates, birthdays, holidays, and children’s names. She would always ask what this one or that one was doing; and she would remember the answers. She would ask her MARC caretakers about their children.
For Nancy, family was incredibly important. She loved to write to family members, and to get mail. I mentioned Nancy’s handbag. I think Nancy stayed fit by lifting it, opening it, checking it; it was heavy, stuffed quite literally until it could not be closed with letters she had received.
The residents and staff at MARC have been incredible to Nancy. Nancy has lived with two MARC residents for more than a decade. Staff took Nancy out for lunch, to have her hair done, to get her favorite ice coffee, or for different events. Nancy loved going to the Big E – the Eastern States Exposition – in West Springfield, until she got too frail to make the trip. MARC would celebrate Nancy’s birthday in high style – not that Nancy would you let her forget her birthday – and sometimes moved heaven and earth to get Nancy to family events, like Karen and Scott’s wedding in Vermont 3 years ago.
But it wasn’t just MARC staff helping Nancy; Nancy had a big impact on her caretakers. After Nancy died on Wednesday, we received the following note from Sandy, who has known Nancy for more than three years and cared for her at Quaker Road.
Sandy wrote this note to Nancy:
It took me a while to process and get the chance to fully comprehend that your gone. You just told me a week and a half ago “I love you sandy” and asked if I would remember you. I didn’t think much of it then but now I know that was a goodbye. I’ll always remember you being the first person I cared for when I started this career, and how fragile you were, as if you were precious glass that could crumble to pieces with a little too much pressure. You sure were tough and not scared to speak your mind even though, you were just the smallest thing… I’ll remember sitting in your room, you discussing the wedding you were so excited to pick a dress for and matching shoes that whole first year almost! You loved and missed your family every single day I was always there with you when you’d talk about them. I definitely don’t think in the least that you ever forgot anything! If someone told you, you’d ask us about it later. I’ll always remember how big your smile was and your eyes would shine whenever you’d see “the baby”! (Kaylee). You’d ask if I was ever gonna get married and would say “ ahh you don’t wanna husband huh?” Lol ���ïï sometimes you’d say you were gonna smack me but I know you didn’t really mean it , and then I’d say hey that’s not nice and you’d say sorry!
As Sandy obviously recognized, Nancy was a special person, full of humanity, insight, compassion, and love. She enriched our lives and the lives of so many others.
