• Date Of Birth: May 11, 1944
  • Date Of Death: December 19, 2022
  • State: North Carolina

 

Paul K. Fehrenbach

May 11, 1944–December 19, 2022

 

Paul K. Fehrenbach died peacefully on December 19, 2022, surrounded by his family. He was born in Marshfield, Wisconsin, in 1944 to Gerald and Elaine (Hansen) Fehrenbach. He attended Holy Cross Seminary in La Crosse, Wisconsin. He earned his degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin in Madison where he met Donna Bergs, the love of his life. They married in June 1966 and left for Peace Corps training one week later. They served in a remote village in Tunisia from 1966 to 1968, an experience that shaped their future lives. Their son Jim was born in Tripoli, Libya. After returning, Paul earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Duke University. During this time, their daughter Anne was born.

 

His first job was with the Durham County Mental Health Center. After relocating to St. Paul, Minnesota, in 1974, he joined the staff of the Hamm Psychiatric Clinic where he worked for 18 years.

 

In 2007, Paul and Donna retired to Fearrington Village near Chapel Hill, North Carolina, and they recently moved to Galloway Ridge. They loved independent adventure travel and explored many countries carrying only a backpack. They climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania and hiked to the Annapurna Base Camp in Nepal. Favorite destinations in their later years were Oak Island, North Carolina, and Nice, France, in the off-season. He loved to read, cook, and spend time with family. All his life, he felt gifted and blessed to have many deep friendships. Volunteering at UNC Hospice was an important part of his retirement.

 

He is survived by Donna, his wife and best friend of 56 years; children Jim (Jenny) of Edina, Minnesota, and Anne (John) Esser, of South Daytona, Florida; and grandchildren, whom he cherished and was so proud of, Carolina Esser of Madison, Wisconsin; and Connor and Preston Fehrenbach of Edina, Minnesota.

 

 

Paul started his morning every day with this prayer for more than 20 years

Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

Where there is injury, pardon,

Where there is doubt, faith,

Where there is despair, hope,

Where there is darkness, light,

And where there is sadness, joy.

Lord, teach me

Not so much to seek to be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

In pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

 

What I Believe

Even more than a set of beliefs or piety, religion is a way of life.

 

“My religion is kindness.” Dalai Lama

“Whatever would be unkind to you, do not do to others. This is the whole of the Torah and the rest is commentary.” Rabbi Hillel

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” And the Beatitudes. Jesus

“Make me an instrument of your peace…” St. Francis

 

I believe there is an infinite, changeless Being beneath the world of change. (Heidegger, Bultmann, Tillich). This Presence is the Ground of our Being (Tillich) and lies at the core of every personality.

 

I believe the main challenge of life is to experience that Presence. (Some people refer to this Ground of Being as God, Atman, Brahmin, Yahweh, Allah, The Eternal One or Tao. Buddhist teacher, Chogram Trungoa calls it Basic Goodness.)

 

I believe the essence of that Being is compassion, love, and kindness. This Loving Presence can actively provide guidance for the path of our lives if we listen.

 

I believe our true purpose is to embody that Being in our daily lives through loving and caring for others. God “intervenes” in this world through our choices. God is “incarnated” by our loving deeds.

 

This is the foundation of my ethics: To treat others as I myself would wish to be treated and act primarily out of a “REVERENCE FOR LIFE”. (Albert Schweitzer)

 

I begin each day with the prayer taught by St. Francis of Assisi: “O Lord, make me a channel of your peace…”

 

My Favorite Books

After a lifetime of reading pleasure, I would choose these as my favorite books:

The Psalms (Favorite: Psalm 103)

The Confessions (Augustine)

The Power and The Glory (Graham Greene)

David Copperfield (Charles Dickens)

I And Thou (Martin Buber)

Out Of My Life And Thought (Albert Schweitzer)

 

My Favorite Quotes

“I went without discerning and with no other light than that which in my heart was burning.” (John of the Cross)

“We’ll find you a job, but it’s up to you to find your work.” Peace Corps Training 1966

“Go forth and preach the gospel. Use words only if necessary.” St. Francis of Assisi

“I must plan my time and arrange my day for the good of my soul.” St. Augustine

“You become who you are by being tender with the young, compassionate with the elderly and patient with the weak and strong. Know one day you’ll have become all of them.”

“Love is a faculty, not an object. Too many people ‘search’ for love by trying to find a person.” Erik Fromm

“The highest office you can achieve is service.”

“A happy person is someone who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.”

“Don’t bleed until you’ve been shot.”

“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” Rabbi Abraham Herschel

 

My Ethical Will

Build your life around service to others. Let service be the theme of your work. Do acts of micro-service for someone every day.

Treat all beings with kindness and dignity. Never raise your voice in anger.

Always act with integrity. The root meaning of “integrity” is “oneness.” Strive that your behavior is at one with your values.

People are more important than ideas. Ideas are good servants, but bad masters.

Success comes with hard work and persistence. Give your best effort in whatever you do to be a productive member of society.

Develop a kind and generous relationship with many. Also remember, you’re lucky to find several close friends in a lifetime. Treasure them as a gift.

When choosing a spouse, look for someone with a good heart. Seek a person who obviously cares about others and is as kind and compassionate as you are.

When you’re trying to find or adjust your path in life, listen to your feelings for guidance, but also ask “What does life want of me right now?”

After you find your job, look for your work — something that needs to be done that’s not in the job description. Show up 5 minutes early for work every day.

Make each day holy. Pray daily. The Psalms are models for prayer. Living out your spiritual life means doing for others. Caring arises from a holy source.

You have choices in life. Choose to be grateful. Be grateful for something at the end of each day.

Don’t try to be better than others. Try to be better than you used to be.

Source link



Lifefram